15 November 2020 · 652 notes
who the hell knew
i spent the previous 5 days in a mental hospital bc my brain does alarming things sometimes
on one of my last nights, I was being assessed by a nurse who I had met like 2 hours ago and she asked how my delusion (that I knew was probably wrong but still found compelling) that I was in another universe, or that i was in my home state was going
i was like it’s going strong thanks for asking!
she asked if i’ve had recent stress and i said not really, and summarized the past few weeks including important projects at work, visiting family, and a significant problem with one of my employees.
she gave me a look of COMPLETE DISBELIEF and said “you’re a supervisor? is that for real?”
i said “yes i’m the director of a program so I have–”
“what? is that for real? are you sure that’s real?”
HEY GUESS WHAT
HEY GUESS WHAT
HEY GUESS WHAT SHE SAID NEXT
“do they know you’re in a mental hospital?” in a tone that suggested they would be way uncool with it
i responded that yes they did and they were very supportive, and it would be illegal if they weren’t
if mental health professionals treating us believe were are categorically incapable of holding the jobs we want, of leading the lives we want, where the fuck does that leave us
other patients had asked “what are you going to do now?” when i referenced having job, and were surprised when i said i wasn’t getting fired. And i know why, I know that multiple people at the table with me had lost jobs in the course either before or while they were there, and it was just the most recent of many. they weren’t okay with this, but still considered it the way things just go.
we internalize this shit
i hope i’m repeating a message you’ve seen all the time, and i hope it’s not arrogant to hold myself as a case study. i am a young professional who lives alone, has 2 jobs and is very nice to be around most of the time. i have bipolar 1 with psychosis and severe OCD. do you want to be linkedin buddies?
and even if i weren’t all these things, i would still have inherent worth and dignity and not have to earn the right be understood as a person capable of many things who should be in our world
